Lost and Found and Resurrected … And then Overheard

so… This thing is still here.  And maybe some of you are too, alerted by a long dormant RSS feed that the Chronicles are broadcasting once again.

Its been a time of change and churn and glacial patience but the arc that took me from Texas to destinations half a planet away and then back to my old hometown has been a fun one to slide along.  My office now is likely as not a local bar or coffee shop or restaurant, rather than the grey walled cubicle hell that was Building Five. That said, the opportunity to listen in on the random goings on around me are as plentiful as ever and have resulted in a quite popular series of Facebook posts which I refer to simply as “Overheard at the…”

Quite often my casual eavesdropping takes place at my favored local watering hole simply referred to as The Pub. While hardly high prose, these quoted quips and retold rejoinders have proven to be well liked and much appreciated  – much more so, certainly, than any other musings I’ve had the bad taste to post on my timeline.

Now as I contemplate my future on the Book of Faces, I have a desire to both preserve the existing Overheard series as well as ensure an outlet for any future additions. This then will be that outlet and that archive. So without further ado I present part one of. “Overheard at the… ”

Under the heading of “the people in this town got weirder while I was away” I heard this gem spoken by someone who I would have otherwise assumed was a fairly normal laid back kind of guy: ” You and me. Outside. Right now. Tickle fight…”

While that wasn’t the first “overheard” I reported it was the first one where I thought “Damn, I need to be paying more attention because there is some funny shit that gets said in a bar.

I wasn’t wrong. Overheard two nights later:   Thing one – “I love Dr. Seuss and I have all his books!” To which Thing two replied “Dr Seuss is like… You know… One of my… He’s so philosophical. And he always draws cool hair.”

Followed not long after at the same bar by this significantly less literary exclamation: “hey yo! Why’s you always gotta have yo butt in mah face for?!”  … … … Why indeed.

Perhaps all that butt to face action was a precursor to this kind greeting overheard later that spring: “Hey buddy, how did it go at the doctor’s today? Get that herpes taken care of?”

In Columbus during a charity bar hopping event: Man – “I’ve encountered a monkey like this before. But it was a bigger version.” Woman 1 – “Why didnt we bring a monkey?” Woman 2 -“Because it was violated by the dog.”

Back at the Pub: “If I had it to do all over again? I’d probably just go ahead and pull the trigger and apologize later.”

At the bar next door: Woman – “you are such a fucking snob!” Man – “I can’t help it if im better than everyone else.”

Information that could save your life: “That fucker didn’t look like any wasp I’ve ever seen. It looked like something Sigourney Weaver should be trying to kill.”

Too much information part one: Guy 1 – “Hey you gonna come in or just stand outside all night?” Guy 2 – “Yeah yeah, gimme a minute. I’m farting.”

Too much information part two: “This tastes a little funky. Oh, but I had some fish for lunch and I think I’m still tasting that too.”

Too much information part three: “I’ve got some cousins from Louisiana. A couple of them just got married which only confirms the stereotype. But it’s ok, I don’t really talk to them much.

Concern for the happiness of others: “I don’t understand the appeal of fishing to little kids.  I mean fishing is a great excuse to sit in a boat and get drunk with friends but if you can’t do that who gives a fuck?”

Oops … Wait. What? “I had that classic childhood experience with a BB gun and it’s all been downhill since then.”

And the one that started it all: Man – “If you are too drunk to drive you can just crash at my place It is close to here.” Woman – “{name redacted}, the last time I spent the night at your house I woke up on the futon in your basement wearing only a thong.”

More later folks… For now I’m just tired.


About Mark

Not as grumpy as everyone assumes I am. Consider me optimistically sarcastic.
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